Why have Space After Breakup!

After a relationship turns sour and divorce/breakup happens, it is normal to suddenly realise a void and try to fill it as soon as possible.

A space helps us to gather the broken pieces of our life and understand what we want in our life and the direction we need to take.

In that emotional volatile state, we might end up making errors by choosing another partner asap because our heart is not in a position to handle that void.

There comes a moment when we realise the error we made. That time, talk to your crush/boyfriend and assert a space; it could be a temporary space. This space/ phase is where a lot of contemplation happens; where one gathers their broken pieces. It is good.

Only after self contemplation do we get a clear picture of what we want in life and understand our priorities.

Relationship and Power Dynamics

A relationship is a life long commitment which is held strong with strings such as care, concern, blind trust, responsibilities, tolerance, forgiveness, sacrifice and compromises (sometimes).

Ego in a relationship, opens the door for power… and that combination is fatal.

The moment ego arrives in a marriage or any relationship, power dynamics follow and that spices up the relationship with aggression.

Power corrupt relationships.

With power dynamics, marriage changes into a diplomatic commitment. The strings that cements a relationship just evaporates. Divorce is just a knock away.

Keeping the Family you Built

The best way to handle relationships is leave your official mask/ego outside the house before entering home.

Ego and intolerance are footwears to be left outside homes: Hon’ble Justice S. Vaidyanathan

For example, you might hold a managerial post in office. So while entering your home, leave the manager persona outside the main door.

Home is a different dynamics altogether; your partner might be a better manager/adminstrator than you.

Hon’ble Justice S. Vaidyanathan of Madras High Court advices that unlike a contract, marriage is a sacramental one with ego and intolerance as footwears that should be left out of their home.

Make a good life for yourself…

What in friends’ nature change after marriage?

This is what I observed:

When males get married, the equation between them (most of them) and their male friends, more or less, remain same.

The circumstances (job, earning, etc.) might not allow them to meet up often. Say after 40 when they meet, they interact with the same zest and enthusiasm.

Females rarely have good friendships that are not shadowed with jealously.

When females get married, the equation between them (most of them) and their female friends is, most of the times, marred with competition — who’s got the most handsome and wealthy one.

Also insta takes up space for most females/wives to display how better they are from the rest. Say, after 45 when they meet most of them derive pleasure from the fact that they are wealthy than the rest.

Male friends remain friends for life; Females rarely have good friendships that are not shadowed with jealously. Some female realise their nature and stay private; better than harbouring bad feelings.

I would add though: not all fingers are the same.

The question is: should you marry!?

The legal age to marry for a female is 18 years.

The question is: should you marry?

The older generation (roughly before 1990) had a set plan within their family. A girl has to get married between a certain age, then children, family, etc. Mostly for women career went down the drain unless one has a supportive husband (less percentage). Indra Nooyi’s journey is remarkable — such % is less.

Mostly for women career went down the drain unless one has a supportive husband (less percentage).

The female generation beginning 1990s  did not accept the rigorous rules and wanted freedom not only to pursue their ambitions but to have equality in the house. 

A few husbands supported and marriage sailed; however for others divorce was the way. A flip side for females in divorce is that they are treated being easy way for fun. Then loneliness follows but time has flown away.

So in my opinion, the right age to settle down is when you find a companion. The time you would see a person beyond their age or face or physical features or economics and still respect (mutually), is the time to settle down.

The time you would see a person beyond their age or face or physical features or economics and still respect (mutually), is the time to settle down.

There is no guarantee that children will take care of parents during old age. So children is not given too much focus nowadays. Live your life your way consciously.

Marriage is not done to please everyone; marriage is your life.