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This Changed me
Nothing is in our control.
Problems in life are bitter; however, we come out refined.
Death is inevitable; while alive, we might be passing by our death date each year. We don’t even know our expiry date.
What’s with that addiction!
I had a hard time coming out of FB. I was not sharing my life events there; however, looking at all the perfectly aligned smiling faces made me hollow and sad. Even then, i used to keep looking. It took time for me to come out of that addiction.
Some post their daily life events on social media and that makes them happy. They might be in a competition to show that they are happier than others. Perhaps they are under the impression that being the best would make them happiest.
The problem here is when one post turns in their favour, they are already thinking about the next post wherein they have to show that they are happiest.
That becomes vicious cycle, like an addict. If their partner/ friends could take time out to explain things to them patiently (might be several discussions) defining happiness, with time things might change.
Good luck!
Why are Menstruating Women Termed Impure!
During menstruation, a lady’s body normally discharges blood from the uterus. This cycle stays for an average 6-7 days each month. During this period, she is not allowed near holy places. Reason being she is termed impure.
Ironically, as per logic, this cycle makes her very pure — far from being impure. Men don’t have this cleaning phase.
So during her menstrual cycle if she enters a temple (as per south Indian tradition), the energy present inside the temple moves to the purest place, i.e. into her body, and stays there. When the energy moves to this pure place, i.e. her body, positive vibrations in that particular temple shifts. To restore that energy, tantrik and other high priests have to purify the temple.
This is also the reason why, in south India, new born babies are not allowed inside temples. The energy shift happens.
You might observe that, during menstruation, if a lady touches the Tulsi plant (a holy plant), the plant slowly dries out or dies because of the energy shift.
To avoid this commotion, the easiest way was to put menstruating ladies in bad light.
During my grandmother’s time, they were made to live in a separate room, cook by themselves, not talk with anyone, avoid looking at anyone and made to feel inferior. In some parts of north & south India, this cruel process is still followed.
Times have greatly improved. I used to feel angry during my 20s at women being denied entry into temples (women in other faiths had no such rules). It was then that I started reading and understood the logic.
Why have Space After Breakup!
After a relationship turns sour and divorce/breakup happens, it is normal to suddenly realise a void and try to fill it as soon as possible.
A space helps us to gather the broken pieces of our life and understand what we want in our life and the direction we need to take.
In that emotional volatile state, we might end up making errors by choosing another partner asap because our heart is not in a position to handle that void.
There comes a moment when we realise the error we made. That time, talk to your crush/boyfriend and assert a space; it could be a temporary space. This space/ phase is where a lot of contemplation happens; where one gathers their broken pieces. It is good.
Only after self contemplation do we get a clear picture of what we want in life and understand our priorities.
Let Your Water be Calm
Being self-aware is important. Not everyone knows who they really are. Knowing yourself is in itself an achievement.
Lost my Way…
I remember an incident from my adolescence.
My parents used to all me ‘an idiot’ or sometimes ‘a fool’ (even infront of guests). Hurt & humiliated and with an anger bubbling inside me, i would go lengths to prove that i am not an idiot or a fool.
Still my tagline never disappeared. My reactions graduated though.
Why must i prove to anyone that i am good?
One day, i read somewhere a few lines on how everyone is unique in their own way, everyone has their own purpose, no one needs to be ashamed of oneself and most importantly, ‘you don’t have to run anywhere to become someone else’.
That got me thinking…
Why do i have to prove it to anybody, be it my parents even, that i are good!!
Picture it this way: people are standing in the ditch and calling me names and i are trying to go down to the ditch (their level) and prove myself… why?
Wise Never Prove
I changed my perspective (it was not easy; practise made it perfect).
Since i held respect for my parents, i did my duty towards them and did’t let their comments cause turbulence in me… just did my duties towards them quietly.
If anyone else would hurt me, i simply moved away quietly from their life for my peace.
I let my water stay without ripples.
Relationship and Power Dynamics
A relationship is a life long commitment which is held strong with strings such as care, concern, blind trust, responsibilities, tolerance, forgiveness, sacrifice and compromises (sometimes).
Ego in a relationship, opens the door for power… and that combination is fatal.
The moment ego arrives in a marriage or any relationship, power dynamics follow and that spices up the relationship with aggression.
With power dynamics, marriage changes into a diplomatic commitment. The strings that cements a relationship just evaporates. Divorce is just a knock away.
Keeping the Family you Built
The best way to handle relationships is leave your official mask/ego outside the house before entering home.
Ego and intolerance are footwears to be left outside homes: Hon’ble Justice S. Vaidyanathan
For example, you might hold a managerial post in office. So while entering your home, leave the manager persona outside the main door.
Home is a different dynamics altogether; your partner might be a better manager/adminstrator than you.
Hon’ble Justice S. Vaidyanathan of Madras High Court advices that unlike a contract, marriage is a sacramental one with ego and intolerance as footwears that should be left out of their home.
Make a good life for yourself…
Couple Partnership Secret
Deepening a relationship with your partner takes time. Every seven years the relationship matures and transforms into a strong bond. It is not easy with all the ups and downs.
But some rare couples stay together no matter the circumstances. Why?
Try observing couples with partnership over good years (my hobby). There is something magical about some of these rare couples.
That magical strong bonds are formed irrespective of having Children or not having any. The relationship has moved beyond the physical aspect.
Every seven years the relationship matures and transforms into a strong bond.
What I observed was the space they give each other because the insecurity is never there. Insecurity goes away because years of being together builds trust. That’s a level of deep friendship.
Once that deep magic has touched a couple, observe that their facial features too seems similar. Why and how that feature magic happens is a mystery… yet, they are so beautiful to observe!
"Rooh se judè rishtaòn par, pharishtåon ke pehrēin hotèin haiñ,
Koshish kar lo todne ki,
Yeh aūr bhí gehrēin hotèin hæin..." (Source Pinterest)
"Soulful relationships are guarded by angels. Try (your) best to break them apart, and they (relationship) turn deeper..."
What in friends’ nature change after marriage?
This is what I observed:
When males get married, the equation between them (most of them) and their male friends, more or less, remain same.
The circumstances (job, earning, etc.) might not allow them to meet up often. Say after 40 when they meet, they interact with the same zest and enthusiasm.
Females rarely have good friendships that are not shadowed with jealously.
When females get married, the equation between them (most of them) and their female friends is, most of the times, marred with competition — who’s got the most handsome and wealthy one.
Also insta takes up space for most females/wives to display how better they are from the rest. Say, after 45 when they meet most of them derive pleasure from the fact that they are wealthy than the rest.
Male friends remain friends for life; Females rarely have good friendships that are not shadowed with jealously. Some female realise their nature and stay private; better than harbouring bad feelings.
I would add though: not all fingers are the same.
Is Balancing Work-life and Marriage Bothering You?
Having a competant work-life is one aspect. Maintaining a personal relationship is another aspect altogether.
Problem happens when they intersect.
Say a wife is a manager leading a team well. She is assisted by her team in everyway. Arriving home she finds that she does not hold the same command as her workplace. She has to work manually to get things going at home.
What works for a relationship is when both partners, leave their professional persona as soon as they enter their home, and assist each other in household tasks without any ego.
Take another scenario: Husband in senior position in a company, comes home expecting the same treatment or command — his partner available at his every beck and call.
Soon ego sets in as each partner mentally holds a position even while at home. Even when one partner tries to adjust, sooner or later, patience breaks and affects the relationship.
One partner just sitting and ordering stuff to be done at home, never works in the long run.
“There’s always a way — if you’re committed.”
— Tony Robbins
What works for a relationship is when both partners, leave their professional persona as soon as they enter their home, and assist each other in household tasks without any ego.
In the current scenario, parents need to teach their children — son or daughter — the art of patience and carrying responsibilities
The question is: should you marry!?
The legal age to marry for a female is 18 years.
The question is: should you marry?
The older generation (roughly before 1990) had a set plan within their family. A girl has to get married between a certain age, then children, family, etc. Mostly for women career went down the drain unless one has a supportive husband (less percentage). Indra Nooyi’s journey is remarkable — such % is less.
Mostly for women career went down the drain unless one has a supportive husband (less percentage).
The female generation beginning 1990s did not accept the rigorous rules and wanted freedom not only to pursue their ambitions but to have equality in the house.
A few husbands supported and marriage sailed; however for others divorce was the way. A flip side for females in divorce is that they are treated being easy way for fun. Then loneliness follows but time has flown away.
So in my opinion, the right age to settle down is when you find a companion. The time you would see a person beyond their age or face or physical features or economics and still respect (mutually), is the time to settle down.
The time you would see a person beyond their age or face or physical features or economics and still respect (mutually), is the time to settle down.
There is no guarantee that children will take care of parents during old age. So children is not given too much focus nowadays. Live your life your way consciously.
Marriage is not done to please everyone; marriage is your life.
Roasted Almonds 